Athrun Zala Soldier of ZAFT

In between yawns and coughs, I struggle. Yes, I am struggling...struggling to keep this figures balanced. Yup, the saga of the facts and figures continue. Just when I thought I will just be packing my stuff and tying lose ends at the office, things really had a way of coming on to me.

Last week was supposed to be my last week but I had to adjust as I was down with flu and all. I heard from the grapevine that my papers at the office where I applied are already rolling and I think they will need me very badly soon. Now I have to put everything on hold. Well at least for a couple of weeks. Just the same, I am stuck with these tables and numbers which have all lost their sense to me.

Aaaaahhhh.....what is happening to me?!?!?!

For as long as I can remember, I always hated numbers or anything that has to do with numbers! Well, people can lecture me about math and its practicality in everyday life and believe me, I sympathize with them. But for some reason, numbers and me just don't work together. One of the favorite anecdotes I usually share with friends and acquaintances is that I took Math 1 in UP five times. That is like practically every year of my college life, if you know what I mean.

Now imagine me figuring out how to allocate hundreds of millions of pesos worth of people's money in a multi-million project that will comprise our proposed annual plan for the next two years? Nerve wracking right? YES IT IS!!!

I am now looking at several spreadsheets on the computer. Figuring out where on earth did my predecessors got their figures and how am going to spread so much money across three years and various activities. And this has been past due so I am sure my bosses are already expecting this.

Oh well, I'll just have to give this a shot. Maybe my being obsessive compulsive can help a bit. I just hope it does.

It is supposed to be my last week at work. But guess what? I had to extend my stay. Both for humanitarian and practical administrative reasons.

Humanitarian becuase it is the start or almost the middle of the planning cycle in the office. Kind of the most hectic and pressing season in our line of work where our budget and activities will have to rely on. Most of the able and competent people have gone on to better places and we are left with newbies. Some are able while some are not so....

Practical administrative because I got the bug and was not able to report to work since Monday. I got the flu from my wife whom I had to take care off since last week. Don't get me wrong because I am not complaining.

I have no complaints whatsoever anymore, especially at work. Come to think of it. What ever it was that pushed me to the limit and stressed me out before, i already let it go. i just want to get this over and done with.

As for me and my wife. Well, aside from the fact that she had to remind me to take me medications every four hours, we get to cuddle a little longer more in the morning ;-).

Again its a Sunday night. As I ask my wife who's turn it is to iron our office clothes it dawned on me...tomorrow is a Monday. It is again the start of another week and quite curious to note that it is also my last week at the office.

Yup, I resigned from work last April and has given notice to my boss that May 9th is my last day at work. This is notwithstanding the fact that it will be a few days before I start with my new work or I have been in and out of the office the past days due to my asthma. As I sit here and think, I realize that there is no turning back. The door out has been opened and all it is waiting for is for me going out my junk from work.

Oh well, I had a blast and as they say, it was fund while it lasted. When I first got the call that I will be reporting to my soon-to-be ex office, I hesitated. I was back then safe within the comforts of the RH community. Although we were having problems with salaries, including mine, I knew the NGO community too well and has always felt in command when I go to work. This time, the offer is to work with government. The very same institution that I, as an NGO worker, love to hate and criticize for always not doing too much for the people.

Honestly, I was in dire need of some cash back then that is why I had to swallow my pride, and had to apply for the government post. I must admit that the pay they offer is good, and the line of work is something that I know like the back of my hand (sort of). But then again, I know that I will be in good hands as a good college friend of mine also works there (I found out about that only when she saw my application documents).

I was anxious about the whole thing when it first dawned on me that I am no longer part of the RH community. I enjoyed every moment of it especially just the thought of you being with the company of some of the best and brightest advocates in the country. Not to mention my mentors are considered pillars of the movement. Oh well, they are all just part of my past now.

Day one was pretty nerve wracking, or so I thought. I was early, as I always am, at work. The lady who first greeted me was the person who interviewed me for the post. I would later find out that I will be working hand-in-hand with her as she is our adviser. A new guy, who came in the same day as I am, was also there, a wide-eyed Atenean who would later turn out to be our assistant.

We were handed with some large volumes of reading materials that meant nothing to me. Of course I understand that on the first day of work, one has to carefully study the ins and outs of the organization. It is also the day where they do orientation and stuff but unfortunately, people in this new office don't come in until after 9 am. My friend came in at around that time and it was only then that I had somebody to talk with. And then, our immediate supervisor came in. She was this nice and unassuming lady who chats aways like there is no tomorrow. We were oriented about the project, how it works, where funding comes from and other things. What struck me the most however when our boss told us that the best thing for us to really identify with our work is to just enjoy it as it comes. Mix work with fun, were her exact words. Something that I am bent to do I just don't know how just yet.

All throughout my first day, I tried my best to understand what the documents that were given to us meant. I know my way around project management and stuff but this project I am into is no ordinary project as it involves the entire country and lost of players are involved. Not to mention that it involves land titling, something that is a bit too technical even for me to handle. At the end of my first day, I confided with my then girlfriend if I can stay there for long.

That was around nine months ago. Things have changed since then. For one, the lady who was my boss, my college friend, our little-big Atenean brother and our adviser turned out to be great people and friends. I actually learned a lot from them. I was a bit shy back then. Now, I am able to assert what I think is right although I still have my doubts every now and then. People in the office actually listen to me nowadays! Oh well.

When I said things have changed, they really did. Many memorable and not so memorable things happened and I it so sad to think that I shall be bidding them my goodbye as well. I am still hoping for the better and I know that there is hope. Readers might not get what I am saying but I know the heavens are listening to my prayer when I say hope.

When the week ends, I shall be joining the ranks of the unemployed. Although a bit shorter than others (I hope). Honestly, I pray it that it will give me time to reflect and see strategically how I will survive and raise a family altogether. I do hope to get a good job with good benefits and good people. A job where your security is not threatened by politicians and their narrow minds. A job where I can find both fun and satisfaction.

Then again, fun and satisfaction are two things that you just make of and does not really need to rely on other people.

Its FRIDAY!!!

This is the phrase that every yuppie wherever in the world looks forward to. That is of course give or take those working in parts of the globe where they have a separate work week, what do I know? Anyway, for me it is the best day of the week. Why? For obvious reasons, of course. No work. I can sleep late. I can watch TV all night, granted that there is something good on. And of course, there is Friday Madness on Magic 89.9 where they play good old 80's and some 90's music.

I started listening to this kind of music in college. It was the late 90's and back then there was nothing much to look forward to on local radio. The era of great Pinoy band music (Eraserheads and the like) has somewhat waned and that most you can hear on radio are Filipino musicians doing remakes of some song in the past. Simply put, there was nothing on and I thought of doing some station surfing. Then I found it.

I think it was the song Buttercup that caught my attention. Quite dancy and catchy, I first laughed at the idea that people back then used to dance to that stuff. Then I started to hear some familiar sounds. I was born in '81 and I think I was too young then to enjoy and even care about Menudo or Sergio Mendez or even Madonna. I don't even know what new wave was. Back then all I think about was play, play and more play. I was to busy to planning what, where or whom to play with to even think about pop music. It was my Papa's brothers and sisters who enjoy their music. Maybe, I was just used to hearing them back then that they somehow got into my subconscious.

Going back, so there I was enjoying Buttercvp, State of the Nation, and other new wave music. I enjoyed it too much that I made a mental not to myself to tune in to Magic the next Friday. That was in '98. Ten years later, I graduated, got myself a job and even a wife, I still listen to Magic. It has somewhat turned into a comforter for me at the end of the week. The moment I switch on my radio on a Friday morning and hear that all too familiar stinger, I get to breathe a sigh of relief. Its again that end of another week and somehow, a certain cliche found its meaning...there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Oh, by the way, I was not paid for this. I still listen to and a self-confessed fan of Chico and Delamar. Been listening to those two since '96!

Yup, that's right. I have girlfriends (with emphasis on the "S")! Actually they are friends who are girls. Part of this click I was into back during the time when I was still in the reproductive health world.

Our paths first crossed in July 2004 when I got a scholarship to attend an international conference on AIDS in Bangkok. Emma and Ninna were both with FPOP then. I on the other hand belong to another NGO. But almost instantly, when we met that afternoon when I was invited to their office, I know that we will be good friends in the future. And become friends we did. We cross paths during partners' meetings and other activities.

Then came an opportunity for me to join them in FPOP in 2006. Although back then the organization has many, and I mean many, problems, the three of us had time to bond. We spent lunch time gossiping or just spending the time away from the office. It too much stressful just to stay at the office. There are late nights and even some overnighters working on project proposals or preparing for some big time activity. Some times are spent wondering how on earth we can mount a million peso conference/workshop with literally no money in the bank.

Well, those were the days. Emma and I have gone to "greener" pastures since. Ninna is still with FPOP and I think she has grown a lot and has in fact improved a lot. Of course, they still have their usual problems but who doesn't? What I miss most are those moments spent in Emma's car on our way home. The time we talk about life, my wedding preparations, Emma's love life, Ninna's crazy ideas and sometimes bitchiness are well cherished. And the whole day I spent with them today just catching up, how I miss those.

We may have gone our separate ways, but I think we will still go on with our once-in-a-blue -moon rendezvous. At least, at the end of our crazy and hectic schedules, we get to chat about little things in the sun and even laugh at ourselves once in a while.