Athrun Zala Soldier of ZAFT

... darating na ang pinakamamahal ko!

Excited na ko...

Malapit na kasi umuwi ang asawa ko. Three months ago, Lunes din yun, hinatid ko siya sa airport para pumunta ng Geneva, Switzerland. Natanggap kasi siya sa isang internship at tatlong buwan din yun. Nung una, ayaw niya sana umalis. Natanggap kasi siya dun bago pa kami ikasal. Pero nun huli, napag-isip isip namin na para din sa ikabubuti namin yun, lalo na siya.

Aminin na natin, opportunities like those don't just fall off trees! Kaya yun, nagtuloy na rin siya. Nung una, siyempre malungkot. Nataon din na nung unang buwan na kaming magkahiwalay ay wala din ako sa Pilipinas. Sobrang lungkot ng pakiramdam lalo pa't nasa magkabilang panig kayo ng daigdig ng mahal mo. Ang hirap yata, naalala ko pa nun nag-iiyakan kami sa telepono at kakabadtrip pa yun pay phone kasi ang hirap gamitin. O dahil di lang ako nakakaintindi ng Espanyol?

Basta yun! Mahirap talaga. Pagbalik ko ng Pilipinas, wala akong uuwian sa bahay. Totoo pala yun dramang coming home to an empty house. Malungkot. Wala kang kausap. Wala kang magawa. Nakakasawa yung apat na pader ng bahay mo lalo pa kung ang bahay mo ay sinliit ng bahay ng posporo kagaya ng sa amin. Tatlong buwan din akong nagtiis ng ganun. Kumakain ng kung anu-ano dahil wala naman point ang magluto ng hpaunan kung ikaw lang ang kakain. O kaya ay magpunta sa mall at manuod ng sine kung wala ka naman makakausap matapos yun. Drama no? Ganun talaga!

Pero ngayo, excited na ko. Malinis na ang bahay pati ang banyo. Ang ref naman ay malinis na nung isang lingo pa! Bukas naman ako ay mamamalengke ng pagkain at oras na para muling punuin ang aming supply ng pagkain. Kasi parating na siya. At pagdating niya, magkakaroon na uli ng liwanag dito sa bahay, at siyempre, sa aking buhay.

Excited na ko!!!

Malaki ang takot ko sa mga dentista! Kung ano man ang nangyari nung aking kabataan na naging sanhi nito, hindi ko alam. Basta ang alam ko, takot ako sa dentista. Kaya imagine na lang ang pagkagitla ko ng tingnan ko ang aking Outpatient Form para sa medical certificate na nagsasabing kailangan kong magpatingin sa dentista!!!

Ganito kasi yun, kailangan ng medical certificate para maka-apply ako for graduate school. Sa totoo lang ay hindi na ako bumabata at sa kasalukuyan ay di ko rin masyadong gusto ang tinatakbo ng aking career. Malaki nga ang sweldo, pero wala naman akong napapala. Ang pilosopiya ko sa buhay ay dapat, sa bawat araw at bawat linggo, may matutunan akong bago. Di naman ako madamot sa kaalaman kaya ayoko rin sa mga madadamot sa kaalaman.

Well, not really in that sense pero ayoko lang talaga yun naka-tengga ka lang sa isang sulok at ang kausap mo ang iyong computer. Sino naman ang nakaisip na porke librarian ka e dapat sa isang sulok ka lang? At sino din naman ang nakaisip na porke yun ang tinapos mo, e yun na ang dapat mong kalagyan habang ikaw ay nabubuhay? Have you even heard or professional growth?!?!?!

Haaayyyy... siyemper nag-aangas na ako dito. Pero yun nga ang point ko. Kesa naman mabulok ako sa kangkungan hanbang naghahanap ng masmagandand oprtunidad, naisip kong mag-aral na lang muna. Hindi pala lang muna, naisip kong mag-aral. Mas mainam iyon para sa aking katinuan. At least dun may challenge.

Balik tayo sa medical certificate. So yun nga, nakakatatlong balik na ako sa Infirmatay ng UP at sa awa ng langit, di pa rin ako tapos. Daig ko pa ang nag-eenrol sa undergad. At least nun di ako pinahirapan ng masyado... hehehe

Kaya hayun, inisa-isa ko ang mga nakasulat sa papel: X-ray validation, tapos lab, tapos public health, tapos ang pinakatatakutan ko sa lahat-- DENTAL!

Pagpasok ko sa dental clinics, nag-dalawang isip pa ko. Una, di ko alam ang gagawin (tatanga-tanga ika nga) at pangalawa, di ko talaga masyadong gusto dun. Minsan na kong binunutan ng ipin at hindi siya masaya. Iniabot ko ang aking outpatient form at saktong lalabas na sana ako ng biglang may dumating na dentista. Ang sabi tuloy na ko... Schuck!!! Malas talaga! Pinaupo ako sa silya at yun, nag-umpisa na ang pandadaot. Inaasahan ko naman na yun at sa totoo lang, natatawa ako. Nakita niya kung gano kaganda ang aking mga ipin. Hahahaha

Sa madaling sabi natapos ang check up at pagtingin ko sa papel ko, may nakalagay sa space na katabi ng dental... poor! Iiling iling si Dr. Dentist at sinabi sa kin na bumalik daw ako para mag-pabunot at palinis ng ipin. Sayang naman daw...

Oo nga naman. Sayang, ang guwapo ko pa naman. Ang tanong, parating ang asawa ko sa isang lingo. Kung magpapabunot ako, ibig sabihin makirot... hmmm... gusto ko pa bang bumalik dun?

Malapit ng matapos ang buwan at matagal-tagal din mula nung last akong nagsulat sa Blog ko. Hmmm... bakit nga ba? Wala lang, ang dami kasing nangyari na gusto kong isulat kayal ng pag uumpisahan ko na, bigla naman akong sinusumpong ng katamaran. hehehe

Yun lang, classic case ng katamaran kung bakit ako hindi naka-pag sulat sa Blog na ito. Well, ayaw ko naman itong maging internet junk na tipong inumpisahan tapos ay hindi na babalikan kaya heto. Ako ngayon ay muling nabuhay upang magbigay buhay sa kung anu-ano pang mga bagay-bagay. Pwedeng masaya, pwedeng malungkot, pwedeng kapaki-pakinabang, pwede naman ding angas lang.

Yun nga lang, di na magiging madalas ang aking pagsusulat sa wikang Ingles. Medyo dumudugo na kasi ilong ko kaiisip kung ano ang translation ng alin. At isa pa, napag-isip-isip ko sa aking pakikisalamuha sa kung kani-kanino at pag-ikot na rin sa iba't ibang panig ng mundo, wala nang mas sasarap pa sa pag-gamit ng sariling wika sa pakikipag-usap at pagsasabi ng iyong mga saloobin. Pasensyahan na lang muna sa mga hindi nakakaintindi ng Tagalog. Ganun talaga ang mundo, you cannot always be global. Leave something to yourself naman.

Anyway, yun lang, gusto ko lang sabihin na I am back. And I am here to stay! Pasensyahan na lang sa mga matamaan... Wahahaha

Just this afternoon I heard the first Christmas song played over the radio. Suddenly I felt so excited once again.

For those of you who do not know, the Philippines has one of the longest, if not the longest, Christmas Season in the world. It unofficially starts on the first day of September and ends on the second Sunday of January the following year. Cool huh!

Anyway, so there it is, I heard my first Christmas song on the radio and I am so sure that by October, many radio stations are going to follow suit. Also, malls and streets will be decorated and its time to be a child once again. Once I see the first tree lit or the mall decorated, I am going to post pictures.

I just love Christmas!

I skipped work today. Sleep won't come to me last night and I don't know why. I want to bed at 10 pm last night and all I did was twist and turn. I turned on the airconditioning hoping that it could help me ease to sleep, but no avail. I fell asleep at 5:30 am, that was the time that I am supposed to get up and prepare for work.

Now I am a mess. I got up at 10 am with this terrible headache worse that having a hangover. Aaaaaaaaarrrggghhhh! I hate this feeling. I jsut pray that tonight would be much different. I can't miss work anymore and I can't hole up in the house like this the whole day.

I must admit that I was not at all excited to go to Bangkok last week. While many ordinary Filipinos like me would go to hell and back just to have that experience of traveling outside their country, I was not at all enthusiastic. It was that Annual General Meeting (AGM) of the Youth Coalition (YC), the international NGO which I am a member.

The thing was I just got back from Mexico City; again it was YC who sent me there. And while at Mexico, I was an emotional wreck firstly because it is the first time that I will be far away from my wife (she flew to Geneva before I left), and secondly we had a death in the family. Not exactly the best conditions to be out there on the other side of the world really. And then I had to fly to Bangkok for the AGM….

After all the thinking and weighing of consequences, I did go eventually. That of course was without expecting much as I am still recovering from the loneliness.

The minute I got off the plane, I somewhat prepared myself for long hours of meeting and policy talk. Well, you can’t blame me as I am used to this kind of stuff the minute I stepped into the “real world.” Meetings like this are all the same to me. Well I was in for a surprise!

YC works differently with most NGOs I know as it is the members who are all volunteers who do most of the work in relation of course to the staff. The members are not simply old maids, technocrats and what-have-you’s who always see themselves as keepers to the answer to the worlds problems. We work mostly on emails and volunteer our time when there are meetings and activities that need to be done. Well I know we work that way, but when I got to see most of the members in Bangkok, I never thought that YC does its work in style!!!

The minute the sessions started on the first day, it felt like I was transferred in a workshop or party or something that is so interestingly fun you’ll never know you are working. There are dull moments but most of them are overshadowed by the fact that I did enjoy myself the whole day. Not to mention the fact that I have never seen such a dedicated bunch of young people who never run out of ideas and things to do just to advance their cause.

I had my share of youth participation advocacy here in the Philippines and I actually till do, but being in the YC made me think that we Filipinos have a lot to be done in order to go that way. As for the organization’s dynamics, I have never seen such a cohesive group and an environment wherein you can argue your points, come up with a consensus and still remain friends afterwards. I’d hate to share this but I had a terrible experience working with a volunteer membership organization which actually led to my being burnt out in the NGO work for quite sometime. At YC, when we talk of working committees and task forces, they really take it to the letter. One would feel shame for him or herself if they think they can be a member just for the “ride.”

And at the end of the day, man, these kids know how to party. Well, I wasn’t really taking part in those but I admire them for knowing how to have fun. Something that for some reason never got to stay a bit in my system! I am working out on it to help me ease a little bit out of my so-called shell. I am not there yet and hopefully I get there somehow before I age out. 

I was having so much fun and enjoying myself in their company that I never realized that the week has ended and that it was time for us to part ways. This AGM happens only once a year, but what we accomplished during the week is something that some organizations will do for the next three or even six months, if not an entire year. I was even proud of myself for not giving up and deciding to go to Bangkok.

I have learned a lot and many new friends. I even had the chance to ride the tuktuk when in all the years I visited Thailand I never had the courage to do so. That AGM has led me to be more confident in the things that I do not only for YC but in future organizations and even at work. I am o glad that I took that flight and am so excited to take some flights more.

Love you YC People. You rock!

I must admit, I always longed to have some time to myself. A week of just being my lonesome is something that I have secretly wished for as long as I can remember. Having been in a family of five siblings, you can identify to where I was coming from. A year after I was born, I already knew the value of sharing; toys, room, clothes, what have you. My brothers started coming from my mother's womb that is why. Things changed a bit in college but I was too busy fitting in, growing up, and finishing my course to even notice. When the reality of me getting what I wished for is about to slap me in the face, my brothers have now started college and moved in with me. So much for my wish.

Fast forward about five years later. Now I am married and have actually gone accustomed to being with somebody, my life partner...my wife! I couldn't imagine any morning waking up without seeing her by my side. Or just the thought of us cuddling in the morning just before getting up and ourselves ready for work. Well, actually, I do leave home from time to time but mainly for business related travel but other than that, my Christine and I are inseparable. But then, opportunities both knocked on our door. She had to go for a three-month internship to Geneva, Switzerland. Now that is an opportunity I would let her just let by so without hesitation, I told her to go for it. To some extent, I even pushed her to do it. It is for her own professional good and I would not let poor sentimentalism get our better judgment.

It has been three weeks since she left, I have been to Hongkong, London, Mexico and back! Things have changed a lot! It is quite difficult to be going home to an empty house and cooking dinner for myself. It is even more difficult sleeping alone in our bed at night and waking up in the morning with nobody to talk to. It also took a lot of getting used to during weekends either at home or going to church.

Oh well, I know that I can't just sulk my day away. There are plenty of things to do and books for me to read. Better yet, I'd seriously consider hitting the gym and start shedding off some pounds. Come to think of it, I will look much much better when I hug my wife at the airport in November. It's just around the corner and who knows what lies ahead of that afterwards. A baby perhaps? Just wishing!

After being together for the past four years, today I say my goodbye to you. I would also like to apologize for what happened. I never intended for it to happen, it just did. While I am deep in agony for losing you, I have to move on. We have had our good times and it will never be taken away. It has been nice knowing you...and now I set you free.

Ting-ay who?

Ting-ay is that cute stuffed toy that I bought for my then "crush" Christine. She was on a three month long training in Belgium at the time and a friend of ours is going to Amsterdam. Since our friend and Christine had plans of seeing each other in Europe, I thought I'd like to give her a gift to remember me by. So I shopped around for a stuffed toy, things boys usually give to girls they like, and shipped it to Amsterdam together with some locally made chocolates and a pack of

I thought I'd never cry when I take my wife Christine to the airport. Afterall, it was I who told her that she has to accept that ILO internship in Geneva. I just thought it would do good for her esteem and profession if she took this opportunity. Well, I maintain that I am right in that argument but a burst of sentimentalism suddenly ran through me at the airport. I tried my best to be my jolly self when I saw her off but the moment I walked away, tears started falling.

Eventhough the internship is a realitively short engagement, it will still be three months worth of loneliness. I still see our bed and it is too big for me right now. I just can't imagine not having my wife sneak up on me while I am cooking dinner or her annoying me with her anxiety attacks.

I can't wait for November. I can't wait for her to come. I can't wait until I get hug her again.

I LOVE YOU CHRISTINE

I though I'd share this with the rest of the world. It is part of an article written by a former Dean at the University of the Philippines' College of Law arguing the need for a law governing reproductive health in the Philippines (http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20080725-150482/Separating-Church-and-State-fact-from-fiction). Currently the Catholic Church has again taken up arms, calling on the "pious" and the "believers" to oppose any measures by Philippine Congress to pass the Reproductive Health Bill. I call this their way of shoving the poverty syndrome down into the throats of the ever increasing poor Filipinos.

I am not a Catholic and I am sorry that many Catholics have become blind believers of the dogmas and lies their patriarchal culture has passed on to them. For starters, God does not literally put favors on the poor, only to the poor in spirit.

I AM GOING TO MEXICO!!!!

Yup! That I am... leaving on a jet plane. This post is not about me by the way.

For the past week and days, that has been my status message on my YM. The thing is, my wife is leaving me. Yes, she is leaving me after seven months of blissful marriage. It's not what you think though. We are not separating (I still want kids)! She is going on a three-month internship in Geneva. I, on the other hand will stay here to look over the house, feed the chicken and do the laundry. Hahaha! I am exagerating of course.

Kidding aside, I will miss my wife. For the past months that we have been living together, we have developed rituals and involuntary routines that I will find difficulty coping without. I used to enjoy a life of independence (translation, I can do things on my own). I do the laundry, cook my meals, wash the dishes, go to church, and even clean the house on my own time, more whenever I feel like it.

Everything has changed after we got married last December. Although I still do the cooking and my share of the laundry, it is Christine who sets the table (sometimes), wash the dishes, pack my lunch, and fold the dry laundry. In short, she does the things that I don't feel like doing.

Now that she will be away for three months, I will have a hard time adjusting. While they say that it is good that I will be single for three months, it will be extremely lonely for me. No cuddling in the mornings, no packed lunch, and tons of unfolded laundry on the bed. Oh my, what will I do without my Christine?!?!?!

I guess when I take her to the airport on Monday, after wiping that bit of tear in my eye, I will just look forward in excitment and count the days until November 6. That is the day I will get to kiss her again.

Wow! It has been over a month since my last entry. Type really has flown by so fast. I was a bit busy with a lot of stuff lately especially since my Christine will be away for the next three months for an internship in Geneva, and I am still adjusting to my new job. Not to mention things are really going fast at Youth Coalition and they are sending me to Mexico next week.

Yup. I am not kidding, a bunch of young people whom I have not met in my entire life, only through internet and email, are sending me halfway around the world to attend an international conference on HIV and AIDS. Well, the same thing goes for my wife, she got her internship online.

Anyway, that is not the point. Come to think of it I don't have a point. Just want to point out that I am still here. Hopefully with more entries next time. Was not able to do so before, I do hope would have more time this time...hahaha...

This is the email that I sent to my colleagues at the office earlier. This is also my way of closing another chapter in my life and celebrating the opening of another.

Dear All,

I am pleased to submit to you the final draft and consolidation of the 2008-2010 Annual Plan. Please note that there may still be some revisions here especially in the computation of summaries. Do take especial attention to your submission as these will be printed and submitted to World Bank hopefully by tomorrow.

With this, I end my engagement with ****. I thank you very much for the wonderful time and company that we have shared. Being in this project has broadened my horizon and made me realize the many things that I am capable of doing.

Again thank you very much and looking forward to working with you again in the future.

Hugs,

Vince

Finally, after days of waiting the pictures from our mini-gathering with high school friends are here. Many thanks to Jun and Edsel for sharing the pictures.

It was as if the heavens were listening to my plea. Exactly an hour ago it started to rain. Water poured heavily form the heavens if only to quench the burning thirst of the earth.

Just when everybody thought the summer is over and long spells of hot and humid nights are over, guess again. Weather forecasts predict that Metro Manila will be hot and humid until this weekend due to a high pressure build up somewhere. I really don't know what that means but just looking at the forecast temperature of as high as 36 degrees Celsius is enough to make the veins in my head throb in pain. Not to mention that constant fear of me getting an asthma attack everytime temperatures soar.

Ungrateful as I may sound, seems like the air conditioning unit that we bought a month ago isn't enough to keep the heat out. What can be done to stop this. This is becoming a double whammy amidst the soaring costs of living in this big Philippine city.

Damn this climate change! I do hope the next generation will be wise enough when their time comes to learn from the mistakes of their ancestors' greed. By then, I do hope this weather and temperature will not get so hot that people will be forced to live under water. You may say I am talking gibberish but as the National Geographic Channel always say..."THINK AGAIN!"

Iiiiittttssss FRIIIIIDAAAAYYYY!!!!!!

Finally, the day of rest has arrived. My favorite day of the week.

I feel like a kid again. So eager to go out and play the summer away after ten months of school work. Well I kissed summer vacations goodbye the moment I finished school but it gave me time to finally appreciate moments like these. Times when I can just sit back, catch up on my reading and spending time with my wife.

At least, even for just a few days, it is just me and the people that I love the most matters.

I can't recall anymore when did this madness start. All I know is that I was supposed to be already packing my stuff since I have resigned already...effective the end of May. But then again it caught me. This is not the first time that it happened to me actually. It has happened before during my previous jobs. Just as I am about to leave (as in resign), something that desperately requires my assistance will come up.

Well, history sure does repeat itself. I am again stuck here trying to figure out how to balance my planning figures, giving myself a crash course in Microsoft Excel and trying to balance my schedule such that nobody in my [soon to be former] office gets left in the dark.

For the nth time I face the tables on my PC. For the nth time I am burning the midnight oil on something I shouldn't have been doing. When will I ever learn?

Last Saturday, I had the chance to once reunite with my old high school friends. I actually had no idea that they had such a plan, and that it is not in my personality to go out on Saturday nights, I felt that I had to be there. Not that I don't want to see them but there have been cases that high school friends' gathering like those always attract the same set of people, me included.

Anyway, it is supposed to be our way of celebrating 10 years after finishing high school. Man, those were the days. Well, it may not be like those big city schools or like those we see in movies but we certainly had our share of fun. Much of our time is spent talking and mimicking our teachers, copying assignments from each other, cramming for journalism and drafting...and the list goes on.

There are also those crazy afternoons of our version of a bull session; we call it "open forum." I still remembered how everyone's mouth dropped during one session wherein a classmate of ours told everybody that she is no longer a virgin. I have not heard such moment of silence since kindergarten, mind you. Not that it matters nowadays but back then, and in the province, it meant everything. Or how we held back our tears when another classmate's parents decided to move to another part of the country therefore she has to transfer schools as well.

Another fond memory that I do not want to let go of was the time when we were all sent to the guidance counselor's office for questioning. That was a day after our graduation. There was this brouhaha during the deliberation for valedictorian and at some point, most of us felt that the most if not the entire faculty turned against us. We had nowhere to go to and we felt betrayed. Being the little rebels that we were back then, we used the graduation ceremony as a venue to air out our dreams and frustrations. No, we did not have banners or placards, we are far more classy than that. Our classmates instead gave out fiery speeches using their flair for grammar, diction and good choice of words to show the people and the school that we do not deserve their crap. [I can still remember my mom talking about it with her friends the day after]. The entire class stood as we applauded our friends for what they did. The next day, all of us were called to the guidance office. The threatened to revoke our certificates and not issue good moral references to anyone of us. Well, they failed. Ten years later, many of us have already gone to reach our dreams and our detractors, they're still there.

Our class is no ordinary section in the Philippine system of secondary education. Back then we were referred to as the special science section and that teachers have high expectations from us. Some liked as and even called us cream of the crop, others if not most loathed and despised us thinking that we are a bunch of airheads who think we are always better than the rest of the school. Come to think of it, I do not understand that concept anymore, but back then, it was cool to be different and accorded with respect or a treatment a notch slightly higher than the rest of the school. We were a tight group of people who alway looked at each other's backs. And I would like to believe that we still do.

Last Saturday, we saw each other again. Not to relive those moments but to catch up on each others' stories. There have been many gatherings and reunions in the past but not like this one. Last Saturday, although only nine of the original 47 classmates came, I saw for the first time how time flew by. We are grown ups now and have more or less established names for ourselves already. The best thing that night is that although we acknowledged how we have all matured, we were grown ups who are confident enough to be high school kids again. At least for just one night.

In between yawns and coughs, I struggle. Yes, I am struggling...struggling to keep this figures balanced. Yup, the saga of the facts and figures continue. Just when I thought I will just be packing my stuff and tying lose ends at the office, things really had a way of coming on to me.

Last week was supposed to be my last week but I had to adjust as I was down with flu and all. I heard from the grapevine that my papers at the office where I applied are already rolling and I think they will need me very badly soon. Now I have to put everything on hold. Well at least for a couple of weeks. Just the same, I am stuck with these tables and numbers which have all lost their sense to me.

Aaaaahhhh.....what is happening to me?!?!?!

For as long as I can remember, I always hated numbers or anything that has to do with numbers! Well, people can lecture me about math and its practicality in everyday life and believe me, I sympathize with them. But for some reason, numbers and me just don't work together. One of the favorite anecdotes I usually share with friends and acquaintances is that I took Math 1 in UP five times. That is like practically every year of my college life, if you know what I mean.

Now imagine me figuring out how to allocate hundreds of millions of pesos worth of people's money in a multi-million project that will comprise our proposed annual plan for the next two years? Nerve wracking right? YES IT IS!!!

I am now looking at several spreadsheets on the computer. Figuring out where on earth did my predecessors got their figures and how am going to spread so much money across three years and various activities. And this has been past due so I am sure my bosses are already expecting this.

Oh well, I'll just have to give this a shot. Maybe my being obsessive compulsive can help a bit. I just hope it does.

It is supposed to be my last week at work. But guess what? I had to extend my stay. Both for humanitarian and practical administrative reasons.

Humanitarian becuase it is the start or almost the middle of the planning cycle in the office. Kind of the most hectic and pressing season in our line of work where our budget and activities will have to rely on. Most of the able and competent people have gone on to better places and we are left with newbies. Some are able while some are not so....

Practical administrative because I got the bug and was not able to report to work since Monday. I got the flu from my wife whom I had to take care off since last week. Don't get me wrong because I am not complaining.

I have no complaints whatsoever anymore, especially at work. Come to think of it. What ever it was that pushed me to the limit and stressed me out before, i already let it go. i just want to get this over and done with.

As for me and my wife. Well, aside from the fact that she had to remind me to take me medications every four hours, we get to cuddle a little longer more in the morning ;-).

Again its a Sunday night. As I ask my wife who's turn it is to iron our office clothes it dawned on me...tomorrow is a Monday. It is again the start of another week and quite curious to note that it is also my last week at the office.

Yup, I resigned from work last April and has given notice to my boss that May 9th is my last day at work. This is notwithstanding the fact that it will be a few days before I start with my new work or I have been in and out of the office the past days due to my asthma. As I sit here and think, I realize that there is no turning back. The door out has been opened and all it is waiting for is for me going out my junk from work.

Oh well, I had a blast and as they say, it was fund while it lasted. When I first got the call that I will be reporting to my soon-to-be ex office, I hesitated. I was back then safe within the comforts of the RH community. Although we were having problems with salaries, including mine, I knew the NGO community too well and has always felt in command when I go to work. This time, the offer is to work with government. The very same institution that I, as an NGO worker, love to hate and criticize for always not doing too much for the people.

Honestly, I was in dire need of some cash back then that is why I had to swallow my pride, and had to apply for the government post. I must admit that the pay they offer is good, and the line of work is something that I know like the back of my hand (sort of). But then again, I know that I will be in good hands as a good college friend of mine also works there (I found out about that only when she saw my application documents).

I was anxious about the whole thing when it first dawned on me that I am no longer part of the RH community. I enjoyed every moment of it especially just the thought of you being with the company of some of the best and brightest advocates in the country. Not to mention my mentors are considered pillars of the movement. Oh well, they are all just part of my past now.

Day one was pretty nerve wracking, or so I thought. I was early, as I always am, at work. The lady who first greeted me was the person who interviewed me for the post. I would later find out that I will be working hand-in-hand with her as she is our adviser. A new guy, who came in the same day as I am, was also there, a wide-eyed Atenean who would later turn out to be our assistant.

We were handed with some large volumes of reading materials that meant nothing to me. Of course I understand that on the first day of work, one has to carefully study the ins and outs of the organization. It is also the day where they do orientation and stuff but unfortunately, people in this new office don't come in until after 9 am. My friend came in at around that time and it was only then that I had somebody to talk with. And then, our immediate supervisor came in. She was this nice and unassuming lady who chats aways like there is no tomorrow. We were oriented about the project, how it works, where funding comes from and other things. What struck me the most however when our boss told us that the best thing for us to really identify with our work is to just enjoy it as it comes. Mix work with fun, were her exact words. Something that I am bent to do I just don't know how just yet.

All throughout my first day, I tried my best to understand what the documents that were given to us meant. I know my way around project management and stuff but this project I am into is no ordinary project as it involves the entire country and lost of players are involved. Not to mention that it involves land titling, something that is a bit too technical even for me to handle. At the end of my first day, I confided with my then girlfriend if I can stay there for long.

That was around nine months ago. Things have changed since then. For one, the lady who was my boss, my college friend, our little-big Atenean brother and our adviser turned out to be great people and friends. I actually learned a lot from them. I was a bit shy back then. Now, I am able to assert what I think is right although I still have my doubts every now and then. People in the office actually listen to me nowadays! Oh well.

When I said things have changed, they really did. Many memorable and not so memorable things happened and I it so sad to think that I shall be bidding them my goodbye as well. I am still hoping for the better and I know that there is hope. Readers might not get what I am saying but I know the heavens are listening to my prayer when I say hope.

When the week ends, I shall be joining the ranks of the unemployed. Although a bit shorter than others (I hope). Honestly, I pray it that it will give me time to reflect and see strategically how I will survive and raise a family altogether. I do hope to get a good job with good benefits and good people. A job where your security is not threatened by politicians and their narrow minds. A job where I can find both fun and satisfaction.

Then again, fun and satisfaction are two things that you just make of and does not really need to rely on other people.

Its FRIDAY!!!

This is the phrase that every yuppie wherever in the world looks forward to. That is of course give or take those working in parts of the globe where they have a separate work week, what do I know? Anyway, for me it is the best day of the week. Why? For obvious reasons, of course. No work. I can sleep late. I can watch TV all night, granted that there is something good on. And of course, there is Friday Madness on Magic 89.9 where they play good old 80's and some 90's music.

I started listening to this kind of music in college. It was the late 90's and back then there was nothing much to look forward to on local radio. The era of great Pinoy band music (Eraserheads and the like) has somewhat waned and that most you can hear on radio are Filipino musicians doing remakes of some song in the past. Simply put, there was nothing on and I thought of doing some station surfing. Then I found it.

I think it was the song Buttercup that caught my attention. Quite dancy and catchy, I first laughed at the idea that people back then used to dance to that stuff. Then I started to hear some familiar sounds. I was born in '81 and I think I was too young then to enjoy and even care about Menudo or Sergio Mendez or even Madonna. I don't even know what new wave was. Back then all I think about was play, play and more play. I was to busy to planning what, where or whom to play with to even think about pop music. It was my Papa's brothers and sisters who enjoy their music. Maybe, I was just used to hearing them back then that they somehow got into my subconscious.

Going back, so there I was enjoying Buttercvp, State of the Nation, and other new wave music. I enjoyed it too much that I made a mental not to myself to tune in to Magic the next Friday. That was in '98. Ten years later, I graduated, got myself a job and even a wife, I still listen to Magic. It has somewhat turned into a comforter for me at the end of the week. The moment I switch on my radio on a Friday morning and hear that all too familiar stinger, I get to breathe a sigh of relief. Its again that end of another week and somehow, a certain cliche found its meaning...there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Oh, by the way, I was not paid for this. I still listen to and a self-confessed fan of Chico and Delamar. Been listening to those two since '96!

Yup, that's right. I have girlfriends (with emphasis on the "S")! Actually they are friends who are girls. Part of this click I was into back during the time when I was still in the reproductive health world.

Our paths first crossed in July 2004 when I got a scholarship to attend an international conference on AIDS in Bangkok. Emma and Ninna were both with FPOP then. I on the other hand belong to another NGO. But almost instantly, when we met that afternoon when I was invited to their office, I know that we will be good friends in the future. And become friends we did. We cross paths during partners' meetings and other activities.

Then came an opportunity for me to join them in FPOP in 2006. Although back then the organization has many, and I mean many, problems, the three of us had time to bond. We spent lunch time gossiping or just spending the time away from the office. It too much stressful just to stay at the office. There are late nights and even some overnighters working on project proposals or preparing for some big time activity. Some times are spent wondering how on earth we can mount a million peso conference/workshop with literally no money in the bank.

Well, those were the days. Emma and I have gone to "greener" pastures since. Ninna is still with FPOP and I think she has grown a lot and has in fact improved a lot. Of course, they still have their usual problems but who doesn't? What I miss most are those moments spent in Emma's car on our way home. The time we talk about life, my wedding preparations, Emma's love life, Ninna's crazy ideas and sometimes bitchiness are well cherished. And the whole day I spent with them today just catching up, how I miss those.

We may have gone our separate ways, but I think we will still go on with our once-in-a-blue -moon rendezvous. At least, at the end of our crazy and hectic schedules, we get to chat about little things in the sun and even laugh at ourselves once in a while.

While my blogging is on a roll, I might as well get this out of the way. Many people, my wife included, would ask me this question: Who the heck is Athrun? It sounds like Athlon, the PC processor brand, my wife would always say in jest. Athrun Zala is one of the main characters in this Japanese cartoon I am so hooked on for quite sometime now. Heck its Gundam Seed just so you know. He is one of those kids, along with Kira Yamato, who pilot the famed G-weapons of the Cosmic Era aptly named GUNDAM. I know I am talking gibberish so those who can't relate may want to just Google it for their sakes.

All I know is from the moment I first saw early in 2004, almost instantly I got addicted to it. To me its not just your usual and average lean mean fighting machines. More than the nasty robots with cool gadget and weapons, the story behind their creation and the conflict upon which they are attached to got me on the hook. It is a story about war and what is it the people are fighting for? It is also a story about friendship and how our ideals may get in the way but in the end, the life that we value still matters. Quite melodramatic to many especially the hard core blood and gore type of cartoon fans but to me, its catchy and relevant...philosophical even. One could debate me on this but this is just how I see it and for the time being, I'd like to think it that way.

One thing I must admit though, Athrun Zala is not my favorite character in the series. I do like the character but there are others who are more notable the him. The name just stuck to me the first time I heard it on Cartoon Network. Quite a catchy name, and thank goodness to whoever thought of naming the character that way. For that, I was thinking of naming my future son (should I have one) Athrun.

I must admit, blogging is not my thing...

That was before, I hope. Back then, I don't even like the idea of having your thoughts being read out by many people more than half of them you do not know. Although I sometimes get kicks from hearing or talking about other people's lives, but this comes mostly in the form of chismis or informal chat with friends and foes alike. Then there is this idea of reading somebody else' blog. My then girlfriend, now wife (yiheee!!!) would alway prod me to read the posts on her blog. Then she also made a blog for both of us, on which I have one post hehehe, before our wedding. At times, I had to drag myself to check that and wouldn't even think of checking it out. I only do so when Christine (yup, she's the one) is on the verge of throwing a tantrum or worse giving me a silent treatment. Just kidding my dear...

Anyway, I never really thought that I would also one day be hooked into this. Its just that one crazy morning while I was besieged with LBM and had nothing better to do while waiting for it all to pass out that I thought, "Hey...why not give blogging a try?" Yup, give it a try I am doing. Maybe something good will come out of it...or maybe, this blog will just be like those junk Americans throw out in space...float itself into oblivion. I do not know for sure.

I am here to give it a try just the same.

My fascination with robots started way way back when I was a kid. I remember it being a treat for me watching cars turn into walking, sometimes even talking, machines saving the earth or a certain planet. Saturday mornings are always looked forward to if not for the Autobots, Decepticons, Voltes V and Voltron in the morning; afternoons are reserved for Bioman and Maskman and some other Japanese teenagers riding vehicles that combine into...robots!

Things did not really change as I went into puberty, adolescence and now, I hate to admit it: adulthood. Robots got better today because it is not almost always about the machines but sometimes even more about their pilots and society, that is why I go gaga of Gundam Seed so much (but more on that in some other post later).

For some reason I cannot take my eyes off the TV if a catch some sword wielding machine battle it out with a monster, even when I am only channel surfing as I am about to sleep. My wife would always kid and sometimes scold me if she's sees my eyes glued on the screen mesmerized by those weird sword fighting boxes. She just doesn't get it. To them she looks the same no matter how much I explain the difference. But to me, they are my little fairyland. Some sort of a box where you can shove yourself into when you want a break from it all.

When things go crazy and the stress of it all starts to take its toll on me, I can always grab a DVD and board the Archangel or launch myself inside the Freedom. They take me away even just for an hour or two and when I get back, I am fresh and once again ready to face it all. They keep me sane and to some extent, relaxed. People and some who tend to psychoanalyze may say that what I do is too escapist or even childish but for me, it's one coping mechanism I can not live without, apart from the love of my wife of course. She, I cannot even think of living without!