Something I picked up in one of my lazy moments:
나는 당신을 사랑합니다
Don't know what it says exactly but I do know what it means! ü
0 Comments
I graduated from college in 2004. Back then, I still did not know what to do with my life. I finished library and information science but looking at my carrer path, based on my first real job, it seems that I will not be a "librarian" any time soon. For that I simply shrugged off the idea of going into graduate school. Well there was the general thinking that I have to have my graduate degree but back then, I simply did not know which course is best to take. I mean, it is not as simple as wishing to become a doctor simple because you have seen one too many episodes of Doogie Howser, MD when you were in 4th Grade. This is the real thing. I pay for my school and I simply could not afford to slack off. What best way to do it is to get a course that I will enjoy and put my creative juices into something that I am passionate about.
However, it seems that putting graduate school off for five years is a bit of a bad idea. Things would have been easier if I enrolled a year after graduation. In that case, the adjustment will not be as difficult as the one I am going through right now (not to mention distance education can be a a challenge -- more on that next time).
My trusty Packard Bell Notebook, fruit flavored tea, Philips audio component
and course materials. Companions for the next two nights...
Right now, I am pouring my brains out into a coursework that has a paper due on Saturday. The funny thing is that the only thing I know about my professor is his name and an email exchange introducing myself to him. No word since then and he expects me to understand a course module he did not even write. Ayayay!!!! It would have been easier if the course is something that is within my mental or should I say forte but since environment is something that I only do for a living, I will have to deal with it some more in order for me to be more "effective" at work. I complain a lot actually about this course as I felt that this was an impulsive and wreckless decision on my part but I think I have to deal with it since I could not afford to drop the subject and waste some of my hard earned money on this.
Solution: I will have to deal with it for the time being. Well only at least after September. Right now, I will burn the midnight oil and do my best to succeed. I know I can do it and I am just being whiny. Being a student again is something that I have been looking forward too for some time back now and now that its here, might as well make the best of it.
I am not a night person. In my past life, I would already be asleep by 9 pm. I adjusted an hour later some years after but still, I am not the person who burns the midnight oil. That is, unless things and deadlines are in a "matter-of-life-and-death" situation. But lately, I have been finding it hard to sleep early in the night. There are times that I would try hard to go to bed early only to wake up at past midnight and finding it difficult to gain my sleep back. I am not sure why and I am no person to analyze this kind of behavior. One thing I know is that it this type of late night "upper" has forced me to think. Think of many things especially on those that I want to do with my life.I have been known as a person who is ful of initiative but somehow lacks follow through. I admit that and at some point, I intentionally do so as well. I do not claim that I can change overnight nor I can just keep myself the way it is. I have so many things planned and I want them all to happen. I have a family of my own now and I do not want to disappoint.Lastly, self-quarantine is not a bad idea afterall. Aside from the occassional laziness and most of the time boring days, I am forced to rethink my life. My brothers often say that I am full of drama and can be an occassional escapist but I pride myself for being so. It keeps me grounded without being complacent. It makes me shows that I am weak but not necessarily lazy toughen up at the sight of the enemy. Myself.
By the time people are reading this, i have had my nth cup of tea and have wringed out the last of the creative juices out of my brains. I pride myslef for being a multi-tasker. I can do a whole lot of things at the same time without losing quality as much as I see it. But then again, recently I think I am slowly losing it. It is becuase of age? Change in priorities? Stress perhaps? I don't know.
I just got back from a week long meeting in Berlin and I must say that I did quite well in that meeting. Or probably people are being nice. But still, I can't help but think why is my brain productivity starting to diminish. I look at the people around me and see that they are all able to do things with ease and turn up their work quite well. But for, it will take days on end just to come about with some draft letters or a report. I remember taking me two full months just to draft an annual report for my office and losing a substantial part of my draft after it was submitted for review of my boss. For some reason, it seemed as if as days go by, things are falling out of place. *sigh*
I am lost yet again. I do not know what to do. But still, I do not want life to pass me by and miss out on a lot of good things. Great things even.
I have a whole career ahead of me. Probable not with the same office where I am now but some place where I can not only find stability but that tingling sense of fulfillment. I want to change. Change for the better even! I want to finish graduate school and even get a Ph.D. I want to see the world and experience the culture. I want to have kids and enjoy my time with them and my wife to the fullest extent possible. But right now, I just want to be like the Germans. Efficient and wonderful in so many ways.
I am talking nonsense here and probably missing a point or two. Must be jet lag, must be the deadlines I have, must be my frustrations at work. I don't know. All I know is that I need to change. Everyday I wanted to, I just don't know where to start. I guess I will start now. Start on the little things. Afterwards, jet lag, timelines and deadlines would not even matter.
Note: Random ramblings are not for class exhibition. They are classified under "How Not to Write a Composition" file of your teacher in English or Communication. But what the heck, this is my blog and I write however I feel like writing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)