I realized that is has been a while since I last posted here. I guess I am a classic case of that Pinoy bad trait of ningas pugon -- the habit of starting something grand and then losing steam at some point already then eventually going to a complete halt. I know that it is a biggest fault of mine and many of my colleagues and supervisors say that I lack follow through... today I make a commitment to change that. That and other traits that turn me into a weakling and oftentimes an immature git.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about myself lately and there are a couple of things that I want to change. I know that I am overly flawed but that does not stop me from taking control of my personality and becoming that person I always longed to become. This is of course not to the point of becoming somebody I am not but more of finding myself amidst the superficial and the temporary. For the past six months, I have been going through this journey. And though I think the end won't be in sight for a while, I see things a lot clear now.
The changes will happen very soon and this time I know I can handle this. First to go are shells of the insecure me. That insecurity is the cause of my many troubles and a lot of heartache. Seriously, things could have been way way better for me had I listened to my brain.
A lot of people say that I always wear my heart on my sleeve. Well, that goes out the window as well. I see nothing wrong in letting your heart out from time to time, but I believe that at this age, I will choose only those that I will love and keep my words to myself. I can still freely give love but I realize that people will take you for granted if you are always making it easy for them to know how much you care for them. But then again, I wil also learn to start caring for other less and myself some more. No more silent longing and percieved loneliness... what doesn't get said remains unspoken from now on.
This is just the start of the many things that will happen. I am sure that these changes are for the better because I want to really make this happen this time. It may not make sense to many, but right now, it made perfect sense to me. Operation overhaul is about to start, see you all on the better side.
Everything changes from this point on.
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